i wonder if something just hit me or what. i suddenly feel so guilty. i feel so useless in life. i cant express this well. i'm not sure what to say. afterall i've just been deceiving myself for this 2years or so. i cant believe tt forgetting you can be so difficult. i really wished tt i nv ever made friends with you from the beginning. i know. even though i really had real and authentic fun when i was wth you, but i rather i didnt cause the pain i am suffering now is unbearable. i put a bloody damn facade and tell everyone tt anything regarding you is none of my business now but inside me i'm fupset that why i wasnt the first to know about it. i know i should public this post but so what if i do? i know you wont ever care too. i know i shouldnt be crying for you anymore. i really know. but why the more i tell myself, the more tears seem to produce?! i'd rather my life be smooth sailing than having all this.