I am supposed to be very happy, its after my midyears, but I dont know why, I just seem to be more upset before my midyrs. I just teared again, for no fucking reason. I hate this kind of feelings. Its like a little bit of sad stuffs from many sources coming together as 1. And it really sucks alot.

If tmrw, you're not online, I'm going to break.
Once again, you've managed to leave me in this kind of situation.
Once again, I had my heart cracked.
Once again, I am going to fall.

This one worse. Last post was 11th January. Die already sial.

i dont understand why. is it that everyone seems ultimately far from me or is it just me? seriously. whenever i see ppl enjoying in the jc orientations, the first thing that comes to my mind is _l_ i know i shouldnt be thinking this way but, fuck. i miss you guys and all you ppl do is OGOGOGOG FUCK man. you all are drifting away from me and i cannot even do anything. am i supposed to kill all those ppl in your og?! ):

i wonder if something just hit me or what. i suddenly feel so guilty. i feel so useless in life. i cant express this well. i'm not sure what to say. afterall i've just been deceiving myself for this 2years or so. i cant believe tt forgetting you can be so difficult. i really wished tt i nv ever made friends with you from the beginning. i know. even though i really had real and authentic fun when i was wth you, but i rather i didnt cause the pain i am suffering now is unbearable. i put a bloody damn facade and tell everyone tt anything regarding you is none of my business now but inside me i'm fupset that why i wasnt the first to know about it. i know i should public this post but so what if i do? i know you wont ever care too. i know i shouldnt be crying for you anymore. i really know. but why the more i tell myself, the more tears seem to produce?! i'd rather my life be smooth sailing than having all this.

i just went woooooo. actually i didnt know the reason i was crying that day too. i just snapped and the tears just wouldnt stop no matter how hard i tried. thanks desmond and alvin. i really needed that. all those things which appeared in front of me. seemed to piece up and become a heartbreaker for me. i think i'm really insignificant to anyone anymore. and why not just admit tt you like him?

UNBREAK MY HEART D:

you were the one who painted my world colourful,
also the one who splashed black paint on it.
you were the one who brought so much happiness to me,
also the one who caused immense pain to me.
you were the one who said forever,
also the one who said said goodbye.
you were the one who made me feel loved,
also the one who made me feel hurt.
you were the one who made me come out and live again,
also the one who made me cower and hide.
you were the one whom i'd never want to lose,
also the one who left me.

why do i seem like the last one to know that you are leaving?